All the way at the bottom is the feedback I was given. This is an essay that was

All the way at the bottom is the feedback I was given.
This is an essay that was written by the same writer with some tweaks. It has been annotated, it is attached as a file. The Comment Sheet is also attached this is what will be used to tell you what need to be fixed, the annotations show numbers, you look at the number than go find it in the Comment Sheet and then make the correction that is it telling you. Also a Strengths and weaknesses paragraph is needed right before the concluding paragraph. A reflection is needed separately after making all of the corrections. Directions for reflection below.
Highlight all corrections
All rewrites should exhibit significant revisions that go beyond the comments that were submitted to you. You should highlight your changes. They should definitely be revised beyond grammatical/mechanical formatting errors and be largely content-based. All rewrites are due as scheduled and should include a one-page reflection that explains the changes you made which addresses the following
1. how you used the comments to help with the changes
2. how you revised beyond grammar
3. a comparison of the first experience vs. the rewrite
4. What you changed and why
5. what you learned from the experience
6. I will not grade rewrites that do not have changes highlighted or are missing the reflection.
The feedback that was given:
This is well-written and thorough. However, you do not cite your source regarding Jeffries’ credentials, which is plagiarism. You also skip your strengths and weaknesses. Fix these two things, and this will be an A.
Good job with creating a clear and focused thesis organization for your introduction and conclusion. Here is what you want to work on if you decide to revise:
Develop a clear thesis that establishes your view of the film and includes your criteria.
Use more supporting examples.
Be sure you credit the source of your information when providing the information regarding the author’s credentials. You must cite when you put information in your own words. That is a big issue impacting your grade, but it is an easy fix.
You are missing your discussion of diversity.
Avoid first and second person pronouns and contractions.