I did my draft for my research paper and I need the final research paper to be f

I did my draft for my research paper and I need the final research paper to be finished by November 15th. I just need you to follow the feedback my professor suggested to fix my draft and address her concerns please. This is her feedback: Please read it carefully she’s really particular.
My Research Question is:
To what extent can understanding the factors that cause adolescent gingivitis help dental professionals assist patients in preventing it?
In this paper I want you to go more in depth on how we can help prevent adolescent gingivitis based on the causes/themes I have explained in this draft.
There’s some good work in this draft. You have clearly done a lot of research and have a nice handle on the material that you’ve been working with. What’s more is that you seem to have a good confidence reporting on this information and presenting it to the reader. The themes you chose make sense, and while I’d like to see some of them be more developed with specific details from the research, they are presented in a way that is easy to follow. For a starting point, this is not a bad place to be at all, and I think you should feel good about the work you’ve done so far. I know you’ve been working hard to shift how you approach this class, and that work is showing in this draft.
My concern with this paper is that, while the ideas are presented thematically, there’s no real synthesis of the ideas you’re presenting. You draw some conclusions but they are largely surface-level and straightforward. Remember the video we watched on Week 2 about the biggest difference between college and high school writing? One of the things we aim to do in college is not just report on what we have learned but use that information to create new meaning and, ideally, come up with an understanding or approach to a subject that nobody has come up with before. This requires creative thinking and approaching the material in ways that support you in thinking about their contents to innovate, rather than just reiterate what they say.
What’s more is that this paper doesn’t really address your research question. For most of your themes (besides the one about hormones) the information you present could be about any gingivitis patient. I’m not totally clear about what if anything makes puberty gingivitis uniquely interesting, and I’m not sure what if any approaches to working with adolescents should be different than those that relate to working with adults. since your research question asks about how providers can understand the factors that cause pubescent gingivitis so that they can help patients prevent it, the information you present needs to be specific to working with teens. That’s the case even if the information is similar for adults with gingivitis; the approaches, presumably, will be unique for this population. So a big part of your job as the researcher will be to understand how doctors working with adolescents can reach that group.
To frame things another way, this paper doesn’t tell a story of the research. Instead, it largely lists out information that relates to a topic and often paints in very broad strokes. The risk of writing in this way is twofold. One, the writing is not particularly captivating to the reader. They don’t feel a sense of specificity or narrative, so they’re not sure what is important. It just reads like disparate details. The other is that the writing lacks stakes and feels very diffused.
As you read through my margin notes my advice is to make notes about what you already know from your research that could make this paper more specific and “tell the story” of puberty gingivitis. This might require some additional research and, while I know this is tough for students to hear, might mean that you have to take some of this writing away to make room for the more specific and relevant information. To help you do this, you can do a few things:
1. Review the conversations from Week 8 and also participate in the new conversations from Week 10 that address dealing with specific information, working with cause/effect, and raising the stakes.
2. Focus on not just answering “what” is happening with regard to some of these things, but also try to answer questions like “why” and “how?”
3. Focus on raising the stakes of each theme by addressing the “so what?” and “who cares?” questions addressed by the video for Week 10.
4. Try to figure out what the through line is that integrates these themes. One thing that will help is to focus on what makes this conversation specific to adolescents and downplaying some of the aspects that are shared by all gingivitis patients.
5. Don’t be afraid to create new themes in order to address this, or to change how the theme is configured. Then, instead of starting your theme by just telling me that the theme is relevant to the research, try to explore how this theme helps address your research question. Start with these ideas before going into the specifics, like as if you were writing an introduction, rather than just saving them for the conclusion of the theme. Then use your conclusion of the theme to connect to the next theme (serving as both a conclusion of theme 1 and an introduction of theme 2, and so on for each successive theme).
This might not seem like it’s writing work, but the thinking and analyzing I’m encouraging you to try is what separates competent writing from good writing. A major goal of this paper is moving beyond summary and reporting and into analysis and synthesis. This is hard for a lot of students but I think you’re up to the task, so I encourage you to charge into this and give it a try. Doing so will not only make for a much more engaging and interesting paper (for both you as the writer and for your reader) but will also set you up to create an interesting thesis in the final paper of this project.