I have a draft of my personal statement attached. I’d like to make it more compe

I have a draft of my personal statement attached. I’d like to make it more competitive for this scholarship. Please review the application criteria to make my statement better. In the last paragraphs, I feel that I need to add more compelling arguments, for that reason I have written the critera in red on top on those paragraphs. Please look the criteria below for this essay. Thank you!
Application Criteria
Applicants who are professionals must have a valid license without any disciplinary history. Student applicants must be in good standing with their educational institution.
Applicants must be able to travel to the institutions they will be working/training with. Any Visa requirements will be the responsibility of the applicant.
Applicants must clearly demonstrate their interest and commitment to improving neurosurgery/neuroscience and health equity.
Applicants must be able to demonstrate that they are able to work well with a team and be respectful to the culture and norms of their host institutions.
Applicants should clearly define how the scholarship will positively impact their practice/education.
Applicants must submit a project proposal with project completion report provided at the end of experience or in the case of a long-term continuing project a status report must be submitted.
Applicants are responsible for complying with specific requirements from their host institutions.
All travel requirements, including vaccinations are the responsibility of the applicant but costs can be covered by scholarship funding.
Funding Costs
​The scholarship funds can be applied to:
Travel
Costs required to travel from home country to host institutions
Vaccination/medication costs required to travel
Accommodation and subsistence costs
Education/Observership
Required fees in host institutions
Class, seminar and conference fees
Costs required to carry out project
Assessment Criteria
Quality of supportive references.
Does the applicant demonstrate a clear passion for neurosurgery/neuroscience and health equity?
Has the applicant shown prior efforts towards collaboration and community service?
What is the value of the project to neurosurgery/neuroscience and the greater community? What is its impact to patients, professional development and education?
How innovative is the project or activity?
Does the applicant exhibit the needed capabilities and experience to be able to successfully undertake the project?
Overall quality of application.