Increase the total word count to be around 1500+ words and use the feedback that

Increase the total word count to be around 1500+ words and use the feedback that was provided to revise the essay and make it better. I have provided the sources used in the essay and if needed, alter the quotes. Make sure to change everything that the feedback said could have been done better. The sources are titled with their names and the essay is called Draft. Please do a good job. Thanks
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Feedback:
Most Important: I’ve looked over your first draft and left some comments imbedded on the submission, so you can look at those while you edit for the final draft. Overall for this essay, you need a slight change in focus, as it seems you may have misunderstood the focus of the essay. You’re doing a good job of arguing the purpose of a college education, but what you need to adjust is how you’re going about it. In an argumentative essay, we as the readers want to see what YOU have to say about the subject, because your original thoughts, ideas, and arguments have value and are more interesting than the arguments we can just read at any time from the articles. So, instead of focusing so hard on what the readings have to say about the purpose of higher education, argue about what you have to say about it. Changing this focus will also allow for you to have deeper analysis into the subject. Right now because your focus is the readings, all you’re doing in analysis is summarizing the readings, which we encourage you to step away from while arguing in an essay. Once you change this focus, make sure you focus on the how how does this sentiment prove my argument) and the why (why is this sentiment important/what impacts will this have on individuals, society, etc.) to ensure that your analysis really gets at the core of the discussion. You have a good start to this essay and I think you have the right spirit of it, you just need to channel your argument down a slightly different path. If you have any questions or need any clarification, please let me know!
1. I think you can give the thesis statement some work because it can use more detail. 2. I feel that you are using the titles of the essays as the main details of your thesis. 3. I feel that some paragraphs can be slightly longer because they seem short. 4. Each paragraph does provide explanations but I feel that it needs to be longer. Some can be combined. 5. The grammar used is correct but some sentences sound a little choppy. 6. The MLA format looks correct but there is not example of works cited page so I am not sure about that part.
Hey! Your thesis statement says a lot about the importance of college education in general and how straight forward you have explained the main idea. As far as the organization in your essay goes, you nailed it and it looks like everything is organized and well typed. For each paragraph, I’ve noticed that you give an explanation of what the author is saying and give more citation to back up your claim. Your grammar is awesome and there was no problem in my end while reading your essay. Your MLA style is great and you don’t need to fix it however, you’re missing your work cited page but other than that, its great. Overall, what I really want to see in your essay is more evidence. You’re on the right track. I’m not saying that this is your final work because obviously this is the first draft. I would suggest getting stronger evidence to back up your thesis and with that, you will convince people your viewpoint on college education.
your draft mostly fulfills the first draft requirements. Your first draft needed to be at least 600 words. Please make sure to fulfill work count minimums in the future. While I won’t deduct points for this first draft of Essay 1, I will deduct points in the future for drafts that do not fulfill the word count minimum. Your feedback to both your peers is helpful, clear, and addresses all points in the peer review instructions. Please note I do not provide feedback on the content of first drafts since students should receive feedback from their peers and visit with a tutor before they submit their final draft. For Essay 1, each student is required to complete a tutor visit prior to submitting the final draft. Review the Canvas announcement “Reminder: Required Tutor Visit & Extra Credit Tutor Visits”. Let me know if you have questions or you can email Jay, our embedded tutor, for assistance. Good luck during your writing process.
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I WILL ALSO PROVIDE THE ORIGINAL INSTRUCTIONS OF THE ESSAY JUST IN CASE YOU NEED AN IDEA OF WHAT THE ESSAY IS ABOUT AND HOW IT WILL BE GRADED.
This essay will focus on higher education and its purpose. The goal of this essay is for you to use your critical thinking skills to establish your own thesis and support it with logical analysis.
You must embed relevant quotes from at least one of the following assigned readings in your essay:
“Explaining the Value of the Liberal Arts” by Jeffrey R. Young
“We Don’t Value Education. We Value The Credential.” by Brandon Busteed
“The Democratic Imperative for Higher Education: Empowering Students to Become Active Citizens” by Tony Gallagher
“The World Might Be Better Off Without College for Everyone” by Bryan Caplan
Using the information in the readings listed above, you will construct an argument that will respond to the following question:
WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF A COLLEGE EDUCATION?
Carefully choose quotes from the assigned texts (listed above) to support the arguments you are making in each paragraph. Follow these guidelines:
Include at least 1 (ONE) brief and relevant quote (less than 4 lines of text) or paraphrase in each body paragraph (you don’t need quotes in your introduction or conclusion). However, you may have two or three short quotes or paraphrases per paragraph.
You MUST cite quotes and paraphrases in proper MLA format when you use them in your paragraphs.
Include no more than 2 long quotes (more than 4 lines). If your quote is longer than your analysis of the quote, you will lose points for underdeveloped analysis.
Analyze EACH quote. Analysis should be at least 2-3 sentences per quote. Do not simply summarize the quote. Ask yourself, “why is this quote important?” or “how does this quote support the ideas in this paragraph?”.
Don’t leave quotes hanging at the end of your paragraphs – add your own explanation and interpretation of the quote.
Don’t start body paragraphs with quotes; construct a clear and focused topic sentence in your own words.
MLA FORMAT
Your entire essay must be computer word-processed (typed) in Times New Roman, 12-point font, double-spaced, one-inch margins on all sides, and must follow MLA style format.
Works Cited Page: You must include an MLA formatted Works Cited page with all the sources you’ve quoted from or paraphrased in your essay.
Your Works Cited pages must be formatted using the new 2016 UPDATED 8th edition of MLA guidelines. CheckYour Works Cited page is NOT included in your 1,500-1,700 word-requirement
Work Cited page information
Heading – your first and last name, professor’s name, title of course, and date in the left-hand corner of the first page
Header – your last name and page number at the top right-hand corner
Your essay should be at least 1,500 words long (about 5 pages in MLA format) and a maximum of 1,700 words (about 5.5 pages in MLA format). The 1,500-word minimum does not include the following:Grading Rubric Essay 1
Criteria
PtsOverall competency of the writer’s grasp of the subject matter and response to the prompt. Writer demonstrates a clear and sophisticated understanding of the complexities of the issue.
20 pts
Clear, argumentative, specific, sophisticated and interesting thesis that responds to the prompt. Thesis should argue for a specific position on the issue and include specific main points. Thesis should be 1-2 sentences at the end of the introduction.
15 pts
Organization of introduction, conclusion, and body paragraphs which focus on specific main points, and conclusion is clear, cohesive, logical and easy to follow. Articulate and well-transitioned main points that relate back to the paper’s thesis statement. Effective topic and transitional sentences.
15 pts
Effective and sufficient use of textual evidence. At least 1 quote or paraphrase per body paragraph. Includes evidence from at least ONE of assigned readings for Essay 1. Quotes and paraphrases support the ideas in the paragraph and are carefully chosen and integrated into the paragraphs. Quotes are clearly and fluidly embedded in body paragraphs.
15 pts
Clear, effective, sufficient and persuasive analysis and explanation of each example and/or quote in each paragraph (at least 2-3 sentences per example or quote/paraphrase). Writer doesn’t just summarize quotes, but analyzes them carefully and thoughtfully. Answers “So what?” and “Why is this important?”
15 pts
Competency of the writing itself (grammatical clarity, elevated, appropriate, sophisticated, college-level word choice and fluency). No use of “I”, “you” or “your”.
10 pts
Proper MLA documentation of sources (in- citations of paraphrases and quotes) and MLA format of entire document using the updated 2021 guidelines. Includes properly formatted MLA-style Work Cited page.
10 pts
100 pts