Prompt is “discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a perio

Prompt is “discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others”
I want feedback on the essay’s impact on the admissions officer. I want it to be memorable, which I know includes the perfect last sentence. I am also aware that my theme/flow/message is slightly unclear? I want my story to be humane, genuine, and show intelligence.